Welcome to Trader Joe’s, a world of snacks and fruit and tiny carts and terrible parking.

And everybody cares about you. EVERYBODY. 

You can tell by the way they talk to you. They wanna know about you. They wanna CONNECT.

 I’m checking out, and the cashier is maybe trying to make me feel like a valued member of society, about whom people care. Even though I am at Trader Joe’s at 8 PM on a Friday night, so, not that valued?

“How’s your Friday night going?”

CONNECT.

 Hm. A note there, perhaps.... is he challenging me? Like, “Hey man, it’s Friday night, what are you even doing here?” Or, is he just being temporally aware and forthcoming?

 Sometimes I think it might be me.

 I tell him I ‘m gonna go home and catch a movie or something.

 “Yeah, man, I don’t have much going on either.”

 Maybe it’s not a challenge. Maybe he really is just trying to connect. But still, he’s actually working, not just walking around Hollywood looking for Greek yogurt (democracy may die, but yogurt will definitely survive- thanks Greece).

 He goes on. “Yeah, man, the only thing that might make my night interesting is if somebody comes up and punches me in the face.”

 That would make my Friday night more interesting too, if that happened to me. I don’t know if I would describe it as the ONLY way. There are lots of other ways: alien invasion, towering inferno, Sasquatch, a mashed turnips side with dinner… wait.

 Another way that would make my Friday night more interesting is if I was the one who punched him in the face.

 Is he challenging me again?

 Punch him in the face?

“Seven Kings Must Die” wasn’t a great movie, but I enjoyed it, having watched the show for 5 seasons. Uhtred son of Uhtred, born a Saxon and raised a Dane, fights the Battle of Brunanburh in 937, and he gets what he’s ultimately wanted (including, but not limited to, the unification of the English kingdom!) (by the way, how come nobody ever realized in these medieval battles that if the other guys are letting you charge, they have a plan? You’re about to run into ditches filled with flaming oil or buried spikes or caltrops or leaf-covered banana peels or bowls of dry cereal with no milk or something?).

And I enjoyed my coffee dark chocolate cashews.

I know this shit is boring at this point. Who cares about how crazy that man is, and how terrible he is as a person. But I watched the Waco doc on Netflix, and the first time we see David Koresh, he is on videotape at a prayer service, with lots of the Branch Davidian’s, and he talks about how there are 150 psalms in the Bible, and then he says something like, “Some people think it’s amazing that I know all of them.”

And it just hit me, as I was watching, how similar that is to something the former and never again president would say. Not a statement or a brag about how he knew something, but a brag about how other people found his level of knowledge amazing- the implication being it’s not something he’s just saying about himself that you can’t argue with, and you might as well also be amazed.

So many people think it’s amazing that I can type. Thank you Mavis Beacon!